ughhh I can't believe I am going to share this with you, but I will....

        Today I chose to blog about my weight loss. One because I am excited about it, and two because I have a lot more to go and if I keep talking about it maybe I will actually do it! I know some of you who read this are close, personal friends so when I tell you how much I weighed before and weigh now, I expect you not to be too disgusted (please.....pretty please)

     I have never really been a skinny mini. In high school, I wasn't fat by any means. I actually thought I was fat all throughout high school, until I looked at pictures. I would LOVE to be back to that size. I was very active in sports, I played Junior Olympic basketball as well as high school varsity basketball. So I worked out pretty often. I had my first child, got fat, but lost majority of it..ok not too bad.. had second child, got fatter, but lost majority of it and then some.. I was the skinniest I have every been after I had Jackson.. whooo hoooo! Then I moved to PA... YIKES! I moved by myself (parents were still in TN) I was lonely, stressed, going to college full time, working full time, not eating right and not excerising at all! I had reached a whopping 293 lbs!!!!!! I look back at pictures and I am just disgusted in myself. I tried everything, I would workout in the garage in sub zero temperatures, nothing came off..I tried weight watchers, but wasn't truly dedicated. I didn't like going to meetings, I was embarassed. What I needed to see is that HELLO they were all there for the same thing. However, most who were there were maintaining, I was the only lard ass there..I even begged my parents to help me pay for Jenny Craig, I needed it and that was the only solution. NO RESULTS. Again, not dedicated. I thought to myself, "if I really wanted to, I could".
   
       The question was could I? I mean really "Could I?" It got so bad to where when I took an enviromental bio class and I had to slip on the xxxxxxxxxxxx large waiters to get in the water to shock fish (yes I said shock fish) (ps- no fish were harmed in this experiment, ok one, but he was old anyway) and I couldn't fit in these waiters, I mean I just saw JUMBO BOB slip these waiters on and it was no big deal, hand them to me, couldn't get them over my hips. I was MORTIFIED! I of course cracked a couple of jokes, people laughed and forgot all about it. But, inside I was hurting.. I mean really hurting.. which of course led me to see my family doc. The dr was concerned about my weight gain and referred me to see a bariatric specialist. So I make the visit and I hear these words.. "your too fat for surgery".. UM what?? How can someone be too fat, for fat surgery? Isn't that why I am here? So according to my insurance, I am to lose weight, to lose weight. Ok..sure.. whatever. So I lose 11lbs, have the surgery in October 2008. 30 lbs drop instantly in that month and I am good to go right? WRONG.. I get pregnant. Don't get me wrong I love Lukey Bear, but really, another 40 or so lbs on top of this already fat body? My inner skinny is pissed at me right now. I was pissed at me right now too. But, my husband says " It will all come off, just relax" easy for him to say next to him I look like Shrek!
    
     Ok Luke is born now, didn't gain too much, but let's face it, I can't tell when more fat is added to fat. I have Luke and I am 304 lbs!! UM HOLY FAT BATMAN! So I call bariatric surgeon, she says wait 6 weeks then come in and get band tightened. (Oh yeah, had lap band by the way. Might have missed that in the above paragraph, had to feed Luke in between writing). Ok so it is September, I get band tightened. I go home sit down to a nice meal and hello... can't get any food down. Might just be a tad too tight. Oh well, some swelling occurs, so I decide to wait another day or so. Jeremiah's 8th birthday party, family and friends are invited to a cookout. I set up the party, people start to eat, I take ONE tiny bite of a hotdog and uh oh... won't go down. I spend the entire birthday party in the bathroom throwing up and miss the entire thing. Ok I realize this is getting a tad long so I will fast forward.

     Ok so band is now too tight, I go in remove fluid, nothing helps. Oh and to make matters worse, I lose insurance so nothing can really be done about it. Because let's face it, I cannot afford 2000 dollars for someone to take pics of my insides and then an extra 1000 for them to actually look at them. So I have to let it go.. mind you there is NO fluid in my band now, which would normally mean there is no restrictions, I can eat what I want. Well, not how my life goes. I still to this day cannot eat and to make matters worse I am still fat! YIKES I need help. SO I start enlisting my friends for help. I start to walk and I mean walk a lot. Guess what? The weight starts coming off.. ok but I am still not eating right. So guess what I start to eat right (with what I can) and guess what the weight comes off.. and now I am 85 lbs lighter!!!! I still cannot eat, now it works for some, but obviously something happened to mine and because of my lack of funds, I cannot see why. But, what makes me even happier is I did this basically on my own! Well with the help of my walking entourage, but nonetheless basically on my own! 

       But now, I need that extra 50 or so lbs off and I need help. I join this amazing website. Myfitnesspals.com or take the s off I am not exactly sure. It could be one pal not more. It is great, I track my calories, I track my exercise, you have support groups, everything. I will let my inner skinny out, someday (not just yet, but soon) and I will be happier than ever. I watch what I eat (to an extent) I have become obsessed with veggies and fruits, but I cannot eat meats bc of my "too tight, lap band" and I exercise and love it. I tried running the other day, but I am not quit there yet. I need like 45 sports bras and duct tape to hold my jigglies in. But, I will get there.. someday. So here is a pic of me before. I do not have many full length pics, bc I was embarrased and disgusted and who wants to look at that? so.. this is closest I have

                                                    highest weight around 293- realized I didn't have any pics stored on this computer of full length

Another fat pic ( I know, hair changed a lot, that is the only thing I had control over)

                                WOW... I JUST LOOKED AT THIS PIC AGAIN, YEESH!

 and after... well as after as I can get, I have lost some more, but I am the one taking a lot of the pics today

                                 Ok trying to find some more because even ^ those jeans don't fit anymore

                                            Notice my face isn't as "pumpkin-shaped" anymore.

Don't get me wrong, I am not bragging (well a little bit) I still have a LONG way to go, but I have come a long way as well. I still make mistakes. I walked for a little over an hour yesterday and then came home and ate girl scout cookies for lunch, come on we are only human, right???